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Lizard Johnny
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question.gif posted on 8-28-2003 at 01:31 AM
when will it shut down?


?



Burnin' down the night, set the world aliiiiiiiiight YEAH!
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Homer
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[*] posted on 8-28-2003 at 09:06 AM


well, that's almost a complete sentence ...



[Edited on 8-28-2003 by Homer]
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[*] posted on 8-30-2003 at 01:46 PM


Quote:
Originally posted by Homer
well, that's almost a complete sentence ...


lol:D




Burnin' down the night, set the world aliiiiiiiiight YEAH!
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* The Witch *
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[*] posted on 9-3-2003 at 05:10 PM


Almost, he said..almost.

I don't know when. But it's sure getting quiet here now.


"far from the maddening crowd"
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cultprincess
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[*] posted on 9-3-2003 at 05:29 PM


Real quiet:(
I hear others say the more the merrier, but sometimes i think less is best, it's more intimate;)




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[*] posted on 9-4-2003 at 12:09 PM


Less can be more
But a wild party is good too.
It all depends on the mood of the moment. And there 's nothing to say we couldn't open up a bar on the new message board, with a room in the back..where the big kids play, intimately. :p

T-3o and counting
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[*] posted on 9-4-2003 at 06:03 PM


A play ground for the big kids, should we bring our toys, or does the bar supply them:angel:



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[*] posted on 9-5-2003 at 12:11 PM


:)
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[*] posted on 9-6-2003 at 05:44 PM




Let's go bar hopping and then ride this:


You ride and i'll push really fast or we can both ride this one:









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[*] posted on 9-7-2003 at 05:50 AM


That could be fun, but I'm frightened by those boxer shorts. (do they come in my size and would anyone notice if I wore them inside out?)

*barhop barhop barhop* This should be an Olympic Sport. The bar gets higher with each hop. Pretty soon we'd have to crawl up a bar stool just to get our drinkies off the paper nappies.

I'm bringing my dolls.
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[*] posted on 9-7-2003 at 04:20 PM


Poor Girl is like that because all those years of putting up with Ken, look who he left her for:



I always knew it was too good to be true;)




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[*] posted on 9-7-2003 at 04:26 PM
Since we're on the subject...


The New Barbie Dolls

White Trash Barbie: She's larger and meaner than them other prissy, stuck-up, think-thur-better'n-you Barbies! Now every girl can live the fantasy of ignorance and poverty with her special trailer-park friend. Every White Trash Barbie comes complete with: two packs of Marlboro Lights for Barbie's smoking pleasure, a six-pack of cheap beer to refresh Barbie during her busy day of bitching and watching TV, stylish, every occasion Spandex pants*, halter top and sandals (*Hot pants or blue jean cutoffs may be substituted on dolls shipped to Arkansas).

* Abusive Boyfriend Ken: With asskickn' leg action and pimpslap backhand. With cowboy boots and MD 20/20 bottle. Curses, mumbles when string is pulled.

* Married Life Ken: With Beer-bustin' expanding waist*. Molded to recliner. With TV remote, beer, chips. Says "Shut up woman," and "Git me a beer." (*Waist cannot be reduced once expanded).

* Aussie Barbie: This Barbie can run-down a 'roo, cook it for dinner, pick-up the kids, pull the leeches off the kids, change a tire on the Land Rover, wrestle a croc', make her own clothes, repair the roof, toss-out all the poisonous snakes from the house, and all before Ken comes stumbling home drunk.

* Bisexual Barbie: Comes in a package with Skipper and Ken.

* Melrose Place Barbie: Comes with her own Barbie Dream Apartment, where Skipper and the rest of the gang live together. Other accessories include a bottle of vodka, silk sheets, and an arrest warrant.

* Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteaders important tips like what conditioner to use on the Plains, and how to take care of one's nails while shoeing a horse.

* America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crimes against feminism!

* Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and she actually speaks! Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class really is, Ballerina barbie's struggle with bulimia, Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.

* My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as teens who don't have huge wardrobes, perfect bods, pools, ponies and boyfriends.

* Roseanne Barbie: The dark side of the American Dream is explored with this doll, which shows what happens after Barbie graduated from high school, married too young and ate too much.

* Murder, Barbie Wrote: Whenever this elder states woman of the Barbie set (she's 27!) arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear.

* Bifocals Barbie: Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

* Hot Flash Barbie: Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! With hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

* Facial Hair Barbie: As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! Available with teensy tweezers and Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

* Cook's Arms Barbie: Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too: muu-muus are back! Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional.

* Bunion Barbie: Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with this pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. Colors: pink, rose, blush.

* No More Wrinkles Barbie: Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

* Soccer Mom Barbie: All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr. With minivan in robin's egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

* Midlife Crisis Barbie: It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Bruce (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

* Single Mother Barbie: There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken Jr. in a fourth-floor walk-up. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit included.

* Recovery Barbie: Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.

* Sister Mary Barbie: This spiritual Barbie comes with jointed knees and neck for genuflecting and praying, mini rosary beads, a mini bible and a black sequined nun's habit (after all, she's still Barbie). Pull the string on her back and she says nothing because she has taken a vow of silence.

* Admin Barbie: Works twenty hour days for little pay (80% of Admin Ken's salary), and is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the one that actually runs the group. Comes with mini laptop. Pull the string on her back and she'll schedule a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner cartridge in the laser printer, co-ordinate a re-org and a move and order airline tickets for Admin Ken.

* Ripped-Off-In-The-Divorce-Settlement Barbie: Pull the string on her back and she unloads a torrent of insults and death threats for her ex's new wife. Comes with a hatred for all men, and a Malibu Barbie tan (except for a white band on the ring finger of her left hand).

* Twelve-Step Barbie: Pull the string on her back and she says, "Hi, I'm Barbie and I'm an alcoholic." Comes with a "One Day at a Time" bumper sticker, a 30-day chip and a pack of smokes.

* Birkenstock Barbie: Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal feet and comfortable, if ugly, sandals. Made from recycled materials.

* Bite-The-Bullet Barbie: An anthropologist Barbie with pith helmet, camera, detachable limbs, fake blood and the ability to perform surgery on her-self in the Outback.

* Blue Collar Barbie: Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits and cashier's aprons may be purchased separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.

* Homegirl Barbie: Truly a fly Barbie in midriff-bearing shirt and baggy jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories and plenty of attitude. Pull cord and says things like "I don't think so," "Dang, get outta my face," and "You go, girl." Teaches girls not to take crap from men.

* Transgender Barbie: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.

* Robotic Barbie: Hey, kids, experiment with an autonomous two-legged walking machine! After falling over she says "Control theory is hard. Damn these spike heels anyway!"

* Dinner Roll Barbie: A Barbie with multiple love handles, double chin, a real curvy belly, and voluminous thighs to show girls that voluptuousness is also beautiful. Comes with a miniature basket of dinner rolls, bucket o' fried chicken, tiny Entenmann's walnut ring, a brick of Dreyer's ice cream, three bags of potato chips, a T-shirt reading "Only the Weak Don't Eat" and, of course, an appetite.





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[*] posted on 9-10-2003 at 03:15 PM


:lol:
Those are great Barbie jokes. I think I know some of the people they were modeled after.

Damn that Ken.
Poor Barbie. She should open a brothel and get herself a Juan Valdez. :D
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[*] posted on 9-10-2003 at 03:31 PM


Where can I get one of these?


:puzzled:
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question.gif posted on 9-11-2003 at 07:13 PM
Whats up?






"No eternal reward will forgive us now, for wasting the dawn".
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question.gif posted on 9-12-2003 at 08:46 AM


Quote:
Originally posted by SonicFire


very nicely thought out and typed comment that you've got there SF, thanks for sharing ...

... some people really do have too much time on their hands ...
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[*] posted on 9-12-2003 at 07:28 PM


Witch, i think we have to look deep and hard for Juan and his ass;)
I'm thinking we need to take a trip into the treacherous forest of Peru, you know Juan is always searching for the perfect bean ever since Starbuck's has come in and become the corporate whores that they are. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE Starbucks, it's addicting, but since they own the mortgage on my house now and i'm bankrupt;) i'm going underground with Juan

[Edited on 9-13-2003 by cultprincess]




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[*] posted on 9-13-2003 at 10:22 AM


Oh no, say it isn't true. You've become a starbucks addict? I thought you bought your own coffee maker?
I hate starbucks. No apology from me. Always have, always will. You know even PLAYBOY fears the mighty starbucks? They had baristas pose all 'hot and steamy latte' but took great care to not over expose the corporate starbucks logo, just in case of a logo infringement lawsuit.

Juan (now missing in action) last seen, "Grab Life By The Beans"




[Edited on 9-13-2003 by * The Witch *]
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[*] posted on 9-13-2003 at 05:48 PM


It's true Witch, i think i need a 12 step program. I have a coffee maker at home, i grab Starbucks on the run, while i'm driving my daughter to band practice or other meetings she has to go to, Starbuck's is my liquid dinner.



Juan and Jennifer Capriaiti



At the premiere of Bruce Almighty



Juan Valdez says, "Screw coffee! I'm gonna be a fisherman!"




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[*] posted on 9-13-2003 at 05:51 PM
Who needs Ken







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[*] posted on 9-17-2003 at 05:39 PM


:lol:

Barbie knows how to get the bills paid.

Liquid dinner sounds good to me.
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[*] posted on 9-17-2003 at 05:42 PM


Psst, that's not Juan. That's an imposter.
Juan is much better looking and taller than his donkey. ;)
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[*] posted on 9-17-2003 at 06:36 PM


Juan's ass is almost as tall as he is, which is good, so Juan can mount him if he needs to;)



Say it ain't so, Juan sold out?




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[*] posted on 9-27-2003 at 12:44 PM


Hey, who needs him.

Ricardo Montalban will do in a pinch.

Stuart:
I take my women like I take my coffee.
Stacy:
Are your sure you want to pay $75 for
a cup of coffee? --Spin City

Mr. T:
Gimme a cup of coffee!
Waiter:
How do you want it?
Mr. T:
In a cup, fool! --The A-Team



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[*] posted on 9-28-2003 at 03:18 PM


I like those:)

You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee If...

* You answer the door before people knock.

* Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

* You ski uphill.

* You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

* You speed walk in your sleep
.
* You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

* You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

* You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
.
* You sleep with your eyes open.

* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

* The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

* You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

* You lick your coffeepot clean.

* You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."

* You're the employee of the month at a coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

* You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

* You chew on other people's fingernails.

* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

* Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."

* You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

* You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.

* You can jump-start your car without cables.

* Cocaine is a downer.

* All your kids are named "Joe".

* You don't need a hammer to pound nails.

* Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

* You don't sweat, you percolate.

* You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.

* You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

* You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

* You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

* Marilyn Manson thinks you need to calm down.

* You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

* People get dizzy just watching you.

* You've worn the finish off your coffee table.

* The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

* Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

* Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

* You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.

* People can test their batteries in your ears.

* Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

* Instant coffee takes too long.

* You channel surf faster without a remote.

* When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."

* You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

* You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.

* Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

* You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

* You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

* You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

* You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."

* You get drunk just so you can sober up.

* You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

* Your Thermos is on wheels.

* Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

* You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

* You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

* You short out motion detectors.

* You have a conniption over spilled milk.

* You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

* Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

* You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

* You don't tan, you roast.

* You don't get mad, you get steamed.

* You can't even remember your second cup.

* You help your dog chase its tail.

* You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

* Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

* You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.

* You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."





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